RECENTLY, WE HAD one of Marc’s old friends from high school over to our home for dinner. After a delicious meal, he and Marc chatted for a couple of hours in the family room and caught up on old times. And as they wrapped things up, he said to Marc, “I admire you. I admire the love in this home—the obvious love between you and Angel. I admire the close relationships you’ve built and nurtured. When I’m here, it feels like I’m part of the family. Nurturing a happy family is one of the things I never got around to. So it was great to see it, feel it, and be a part of it tonight. Thank you.” This got us thinking: What does nurturing a happy family really mean? What are some things happy families do differently? Here are some thoughts to consider:
1. Every day, every member chooses to be part of the family.
First and foremost, family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs —the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are
now but also embrace and embody who you want to be. Family members can be your best friends. And best friends, whether or not they’re related to you by blood, can be your family. Family is built with love; it’s not determined by legal documents. Families grow from the heart, through mutual love and respect. The only time family becomes nullified is when the ties in the heart are cut. If you cut the ties, these people are no longer your family. So build and maintain ties with the right people and nurture them with love every day.
2. Family members go out of their way for each other.
Family bonds are tied with true love, and true love involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort, and being able to care about someone and sacrifice for them, continuously, in countless little ways, every day. Be willing to schedule them in, even when it’s inconvenient.
3. Family sticks together through thick and thin.
“Being family” is also about supporting each other through life’s inevitable changes. It’s knowing that your family will be there watching out for you through thick and thin. Nothing and no one else will give you that. Not your career. Not your boss. Not your clients. Not money. Not fame. And remember, timing is everything. There is a time for silence, a time to let go and allow your loved ones to launch themselves into their own future, and a time to cheer for their victories or help them pick up the pieces when things don’t go as planned.
4. Everyone is permitted to be true to themselves.
The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated as is. Sometimes we try to be sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image of what we want them to be—what we think we need, love, or desire. But these actions and perceptions are against reality, against their benefit and ours, and always end in disappointment—because it does not fit them.
5. Everyone takes responsibility for their own happiness.
Happiness is a choice that comes from within. Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect; it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. There are choices you can make every day to feel the effects of happiness. Choose to do something meaningful. Choose to take care of your body. Choose to be around the right people. Choose to have a good attitude. Choose to express gratitude. Choose to forgive. Choose to focus on what you have, not on what you don’t. Begin today by taking responsibility for your own happiness. The choice is yours. Your family can support you, but they can’t choose happiness for you.
6. Caring words are used to communicate, always.
You can measure the happiness of any close relationship by the number of scars that each member carries on their tongues and inner cheeks, formed over many years of biting back angry and insensitive words. Bottom line: Be careful what you say. You can say something unkind in less than one second, but more than a year later the wounds are still there. Don’t do this to your family, or anyone for that matter. Every time words are spoken, something is created. Be honest, but also conscious of what you say and how you say it. Use words that lift up, appreciate, encourage, and inspire.
7. Everyone makes quality time for each other.
Here’s a harsh reality of life: Regardless of the quality of your relationships with your parents, siblings, aunts,
uncles, cousins, or close friends, you will miss them when they’re gone from your life. And someday they will be.
You have to set aside quality time to share your love openly and honestly with those you love. Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone you care about, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way. Express your love. Tell your family what you need to tell them. Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable. You never know when you might lose your opportunity. So stay in close touch with what’s going on in your loved ones’ lives—communicate openly on a regular basis. Not because it’s convenient, but because they are worth the extra effort.
8. Presence is held sacred.
The greatest path to positive influence in any relationship is love. And the greatest path to love is full acceptance within the present moment—allowing everything to be as it is, without hoping or trying to change things. Presence is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in the “now.” It’s about knowing that you must first attend to the reality of the moment before you can effectively contribute anything positive to it. Practicing presence brings a sense of perspective and purpose to our lives and opens the doorway to loving others as they are.
9. Patience and forgiveness are practiced daily.
No matter how honest and kind you try to be, you will occasionally step on the toes of the people closest to you. And this is precisely why patience and forgiveness are so vital. Patience is the ability to let your light shine on hose you love, even after your fuse has blown. And forgiveness is knowing deep down that they didn’t mean
to blow your fuse in the first place. Patience and forgiveness can feel bitter at first, but the seeds you plant now will bear sweet fruit in the end.
