9 Old-Fashioned Relationship Habits We Should Bring Back
RECENTLY WE WERE sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their
car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some funky jazz music on the car
stereo. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, opened the door for the woman,
took her hand and helped her out of her seat, and guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced to a song under the oak tree. It was such a beautiful moment to witness.
Not long after that, a reader named Cory emailed with the question: “Any good, old-fashioned advice for a
struggling relationship?”
So in honor of that beautiful elderly couple, and in service of Cory’s relationship situation, here are nine old fashioned habits we need to bring back into our relationships:
1. Spend quality time together with no major agenda and no technology.
Put down the smartphone, close the laptop, and enjoy each other’s company, face-to-face, the old-fashioned
way. There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or
a big hug shared by two people who care about each other. Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made
extraordinary just by doing them with the right people. So choose to be around these people, and choose to
make the most of your time together. Don’t wait to make big plans. Make your time together the plan. Communicate openly on a regular basis. Get together face-to-face, or perhaps on Zoom or FaceTime, as often as possible. Not because it’s convenient to do so, but because you know your partner is worth the extra effort.
2. Be fully present when you’re in the presence of others.
One of the best feelings in the world is knowing your presence and absence both mean something to someone.
And the only way to let your loved ones know this is to show them when you’re with them. In your relationships and interactions with others, nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Being with someone, listening without watching the clock or anticipating the next event, is the ultimate compliment. It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being. Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore. So give them the gift of you —your time, undivided attention, and your kindness. That’s better than any other gift—it won’t break or get lost, and will always be remembered.
3. Express your sincere appreciation for loved ones every chance you get.
No matter how sure you are of someone’s appreciation and admiration, it’s always nice to be reminded of it. So
if you appreciate someone today, tell them. Just because they are reliable and there when you need them doesn’t mean you should fail to give thanks and appreciation on a regular basis. To value someone too lightly is to risk missing the depth of their goodness before they’re gone. Sadly, it is often only when we are tragically reminded of how short life is—that today could easily be our last with someone we love—that we start to appreciate every day we have together. Let this lesson sink in now. Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell the people you love how much you appreciate them.
4. Work together and help each other grow.
There is no soul mate or best friend out there who will solve all your problems. There is no love at first sight
that lasts without work and commitment. But there are, however, people out there worth fighting for. Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re imperfect in all the ways that are right for you. You complement
each other’s flaws in a way that allows your souls to unite and work together more effectively as one. You will know when you meet one of these people, when through them you meet the very best in yourself.
5. Focus on inner beauty.
When you get to really know someone, most of their prominent physical characteristics vanish in your mind. You
begin to dwell in their energy, recognize their scent, and appreciate their wit. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with physical beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, or want to embody it. You can love it with your eyes and your body for a little while, but not your heart in the long-term. Thus, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, most physical imperfections become irrelevant.
6. Tell the truth.
Too many prefer gentle lies to hard truths. But make no mistake: In the end, it’s better to be hurt by the truth
than to be comforted by a lie. Relationships based on lies always die young. Lying is a cumulative process too. So be careful. What starts as a small, seemingly innocent lie (possibly even told with the intention of not hurting anyone) quickly spirals into a mounting false reality where the biggest factor preventing you from sharing the truth is not getting the reputation as a liar. We lie to one another, but even more so we lie to ourselves, most often to protect our oh-so fragile egos. We may even be inclined to lie to ourselves while reading this, not wanting to admit how often we have eluded the truth.
7. Apologize when you know you should.
Take personal responsibility for your wrongdoings. Apologize, and make sure your apology is sincere. Say it and
mean it. Don’t bother apologizing if you’re just going to continue doing the things you said “sorry” for doing. Never ruin an apology with an excuse. Excuses are not apologies.
8. Overdeliver on your promises.
Be committed. Commitment means staying devoted to and keeping your promises, long after the time and mood you made the promises in has left you. Doing so is vital to your relationships and long-term success in every imaginable walk of life. So don’t just say it, show it. Don’t just promise it, prove it. Better yet, overdeliver on all your promises. Supply far more than what’s required. Remember that no one has ever become poor by giving. Whenever you can, go out of your way to do something nice and unexpected for your significant other, especially if he or she is in no position to repay you anytime soon.
9. Be loyal.
Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either. Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light. On the flip side, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright. In other words, be loyal. Remaining faithful in your relationships is never an option but a given. Loyalty means the world to the people who love you. When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down. You can’t promise t
